An introvert’s guide to dating this cuffing season

MONDAY 19TH, JUNE 2023 – Young daters value authenticity and honesty - and introverts are certainly not shy when it comes to being real on their Tinder bios. The term "introvert" appears 33% more than “extrovert” in Tinder bios.1 To support more reserved daters this cuffing season, Tinder has developed this introvert’s dating guide with German psychologist Viviane Hähne.

Introverts VS Extroverts on Tinder

Introverted Tinder members2 are 40% more likely than extroverts2 to say they are still figuring out their relationship goals3. Introverts tend to take their time to get to know someone, both in friendships and in relationships. They often don't like to reveal too much personal information about themselves to new acquaintances either. So why do introverts share their personality type so much more in their Tinder bios? Psychologist Viviane explains that “Introverts often find that their introversion is not adequately taken into account and respected, which leads to a greater need for attention to this personality trait. Adding their personality type in a dating profile can provide a sense of security and counteract possible misunderstandings, as introversion and reticence can be misinterpreted as disinterest or arrogance." 


Overall, introverts are 15% more likely to seek friendships on Tinder than extroverted2 members3. According to Viviane Hähne, introverts usually take longer to open up and confide in new people in their lives and take longer to build relationships and bonds with others. In return, however, these relationships tend to be deeper and more stable. If an introvert moves to a new city, for example, Tinder can help them meet new people and build their social circle. 

What about after the match? Introverts often like lengthy, in-depth conversations - and they prefer to have them in the form of long, well-thought-out messages. Data shows that introverts2 on Tinder are 24% more likely than extroverts2 to be "big time texters".4 In Viviane’s opinion, getting to know someone on the app over an extended period of time is not a waste of time, but a great way for introverts to properly assess their match on safe ground before meeting IRL. Extroverts often prefer faster over the phone or face-to-face exchanges. They are more than twice as likely (+60%) as introverted daters2 to say they like talking on the phone4.

4 reasons why psychologist Viviane Hähne recommends Tinder for introverts

  1. The first steps of getting to know someone are easier in the app. You can formulate your messages in peace, you don't have to sit directly across from your date, and if you share a few exciting facts about yourself in your bio, you can create a good basis for conversation and avoid the awkward small talk.
  2. Online dating offers the opportunity to get to know each other more slowly. It can create a basis for deeper relationships, not just superficial ones. According to Viviane Hähne, this slower form of getting to know someone online is actually healthier because introverts are not as likely to be driven by their hormones and are less likely to see their match through rose-colored glasses. This may also help you recognize red flags better!
  3. Tinder matches can be a good exercise in overcoming your typical dating hurdles and developing a routine of sorts. Even if it doesn’t work out with someone, you can still take something away from the encounter for the future and learn from it.
  4. Did you hit it off with your match? Great, because meaningful relationships and positive encounters with others can boost your confidence - you get feedback and compliments from others, your strengths are mirrored and you can learn that others like you just the way you are.

Sounds great in theory, right? But to make it as easy as possible for you to put it into practice, Tinder and psychologist Viviane Hähne have put together five tips that will help you overcome barriers to entry and self-doubt when dating online and IRL.

5 tips to overcome the typical hurdles in (online) dating

  1. Don't pretend just so someone will like you. Always be yourself! Social media gives the impression that we should all always be active and lead the most colorful and "Instagrammable" life possible. But that's not always true, you can and should always be yourself - then you'll find someone who likes you for you.
  2. Be clear about what you like and don't like - for example, if your match suggests a big event for your first date, but you would actually feel much more comfortable in a more low key setting, communicate this clearly from the start and stand up for your needs. 
  3. If you're worried about topics of conversation, think about open-ended questions - i.e., not yes/no questions - to ask your counterpart in advance. What would you like to know about your match? What has made them interesting to you so far? This will get the conversation rolling, because we all usually like to talk about ourselves. 
  4. Try not to cancel dates at the last minute. In psychology, unless there is a genuine reason, this is called "avoidance behavior" - and it only reinforces your insecurities. Even if it takes effort and you have to leave your comfort zone, it's worth facing your fears. The keyword here is also: Practice, practice, practice! Remember that safety comes first URL and IRL and there are plenty of safety tools available to you on Tinder. 
  5. Collect experiences and reflect on them: On which dates did you feel good and why? What was the reason, what were the decisive factors for you to like a date? Was it the location, the activity, a certain topic that was talked about? How can you use this knowledge to get the most out of upcoming dates?

And last but not least, one last extra tip and a little task from the psychologist for you:

For the future, think about a fixed ritual or routine that you do every time before a date. Because rituals have a positive effect on our well-being and can convey security. These can be quite banal things, such as a soothing shower and taking time for styling. But a certain song that gives you good vibes or a phone call with a friend can also help. There are no limits to your imagination - find something that makes YOU feel good, calms you down and takes away some of those pre-date nerves. 




1 Tinder bio data Feb 2023. 

2 Members who disclosed that they are introverts or extroverts in their Tinder profiles.
3 Tinder internal data from Relationship Goals feature Feb 2023.

4 Tinder internal data from profile descriptors Feb 2023.


About Vivianne Hähne
Viviane Hähne is a psychologist and psychotherapist as well as a certified systemic consultant and stress management trainer. In her coaching sessions and workshops, she helps people work on their mental health every day. She also shares all kinds of psychological knowledge and practical tips with over 240,000 people on her social media channels.


About Tinder

Launched in 2012, Tinder is the world’s most popular app for meeting new people and has been downloaded more than 530 million times. The app is available in 190 countries and 45+ languages.  More than half of all members are 18-25 years old. In 2022, Tinder was named one of the World’s Most Innovative Companies by Fast Company.